Quests
by mdseiran
Summary: Inspired by the first three lines from Truth: A Great Detective in Love. The fics are not related.
1. Quest for Love

Disclaimer: They're not mine, although if I can get Heiji…..xD;;;

Summary: Three drabbles for three quests.

Quest for Love

A DC fanfic by Hibbah

Quest for Love

I called Ran yesterday. She was crying again. It seems all I am able to do is make her cry. No matter what I do, it's almost always the wrong thing. It's like I've been cursed, so that nothing I do will ever be right. Especially with Ran. I hurt her, I know I do. But I honestly don't know what to do about it.

So I did the only thing I could do. I took the antidote to turn back to being Kudo Shinichi, high school detective extraordinaire. I once more took the pill that makes my body burn, makes me feel like I am dying, makes me wish for death sometimes. All to make her happy. I can't stand to see her like that, to see that pain in her eyes sometimes when she thinks no one is looking. It tears me up inside, seeing her trying to fight the tears that threaten to spill out of her beautiful eyes. So I take the antidote willingly; the antidote to my curse, and the antidote to Ran's pain.

I know I only have 24 hours; one single day. It is never enough, but all I have to offer. And if it brings her at least some peace and happiness, it will be more than worth it. I've already called her, so she knows I'm coming. She said she'd leave the choice of place up to me. I'm going to take her to Tropical Land. She loves that place. Obviously, it doesn't hold many…pleasant memories for me anymore. That's where I lost my identity after all; that's where I lost my damn life. If she knew the truth, it wouldn't hold good memories for her either. The cause of her hurt and fear started there after all.

I wonder what I can do today to make her smile, to reassure her. Just taking her out is not enough, because I have done that before. That fear for me leaves her eyes when I am with her, returning the minute I am not. I need to do something to banish that demon called fear, something to make sure this evil demon never possesses her again. But I know simple words won't do it. Simple words are not enough…

Yes; simple words are not enough. But there are 3 words that will do the job. Three words, which, if I use them, let them pass my lips, she will not worry again. She'll know I am always there for her, will know that I won't ever desert her, that no matter how long I stay away, I will always come back to her. Just three simple words… only they're not. They're not simple at all. They carry so many hidden meanings, those words. They may be small, and might look insignificant, but they are not. Those words speak of commitment. They say, I will be with you, always. For now and forever, till the end of time.

They say, I care for you so much it hurts to see you in pain. I always want to see a smile on your face, so that your eyes shine and glow with happiness.

They say, I want to give you the world with all its treasures, but even that would not be enough. The only prize I want in return is for you to smile at me. 

They say, I would give my life to you, protect you with my body, with my heart and with my soul, protect you from any harm that might come to you, be it a dog that sinks its teeth into your pale skin or a murderer who tries to rob you of your life.

They say, I belong to you, and you own me in every way possible, body and soul. Whatever you ask of me, I will do. If you ask me to cut off my arm, I will do so without a second thought. You are my mistress, and I your humble servant.

If I say those words, nothing will come between us anymore. But I am afraid…I'm more afraid than I have ever been in my life. I can usually hide my fear, forget about it, by getting focused on one thing. The Organization that turned me into what I am now doesn't scare me; it makes me mad. But the thought of saying those three words do. If I say that, it means there is no turning back. It means we are connected together for eternity. That doesn't frighten me as much as it pleases me. But I am afraid of ending up hurting her even more.

I would never admit this to anyone, but as the days go by, my hope in finding the cure to the disease manifested in my body diminishes. Sometimes, I feel I will never return to normal, but will have to spend the rest of my life as a kid, doing it all over again. I know that is the despair speaking, but that doesn't seem to make a difference. I still feel it, every time I lower my defenses. So if I promise her to always be there, I will have to live up to that. But what if I can't…? I don't even want to think about what would happen. I don't know if I am willing to take that chance.

Yes, I am afraid. But somewhere, deep down, at the very bottom of my heart, I want to say it, want to shout it to the world. She once told me that people who were destined to be together are connected by a red thread. Sometimes, I think I can see it. And that fills my heart until it is ready to burst. In those precious few moments, I want nothing more than to rush to her and spill out everything.

I wish Fate had been kinder to us. It ripped us away from each other without mercy, only granting us the bleak substitute of phone calls, and the rare moments in which I am allowed to be myself. But even then, Fate always seems to have some other trick up her sleeve, dragging us apart every time we get so close…so close to those three words. It's like Fate is telling us it's not meant to be. Only, I think it is.

She looks radiant today, like she always does. Hair loose and flowing about her shoulders, her hands fruitlessly trying to keep the wind from blowing it around. She's wearing a yellow shirt, as bright as her smile, and shorts to match. Her eyes…they are the exact colour of the skies on this summer afternoon. Gods, but she has beautiful eyes.

She reaches out to take my hand, smiling brightly up at me, and at that moment, I feel completely at peace. I know I want to feel like that for the rest of my life. I don't ever want to lose this feeling. And I know what I must do.

We were walking towards the more crowded part of Tokyo, planning to take a cab to drive to Tropical Land. When I exert a small amount of pressure on her hand, she stops walking and just turns to look at me. I can feel a lump forming in my throat. This is not going to be easy.

"Ran…I…"

Her eyes smile up at me, granting me a tender, trusting look. "Nani?"

And suddenly it isn't so hard anymore. My heart gives the orders to my head, and my lips draw apart to carry them out. "I love you."

--Owari--


	2. Quest for Dream

Part Two: Quest for Dream

By Hibbah

Another failed cure. How many more will there be I wonder? That is the third cure I have tried in one month. Haibara says she's getting closer, and I don't disbelieve her. I just…I don't know really. I just want it to be finally over…

My body is still burning from the physical change it just underwent. The after-effects have been getting worse every time now. Haibara can't tell whether that's a good thing or not. Personally, I think it can't signify anything good. I fear that, if my body keeps on receiving this kind of stress, my heart might not be able to take it. I'm no doctor, I know that. But I've done enough research to know the consequences. Haibara knows too, though she won't tell me. She knows I won't listen anyway. I never thought I'd say this, but…I'd rather be dead than stuck like this forever. After all, it's not like I have anything left to go on for. It's been five years since the Organization got me. Ran has gone to college, and met someone there she really cares about. Yeah, she got over Shinichi. I can't blame her, it's not like I was ever there. And she seems happy enough. I can't ever begrudge her that. It's really nobody's fault, except for those bastards. I am glad she is happy, I really am. I had plenty of chances to tell her the truth all these years. If she had known who I really was, she would've stuck by me; Ran's loyal like that. But I would rather be unhappy and have her safe than be happy and put her in extreme danger. I would much rather suffer myself than see her suffer besides me, torturing herself with things that could've been. No, it's just better this way. This way, I only sacrifice myself, a small price to pay for her happiness. But like I said, I really don't have anything worth holding on for. I realized long ago that I would never be able to catch the Syndicate all by myself. So even if I do return to my own body, there's not much chance of me bringing them to justice. So I'd have to stay low to make sure they never found me and killed me after all. I would have to live the life of a fugitive. It wouldn't be all that different from my current lifestyle.

If I am completely honest with myself, I'll admit the truth. I have given up hope. Come on, it's been five years. Haibara is still working hard on it, but sometimes I can sense she's close to giving up too. The repeated taking of the temporary cures is wearing us both out. I feel like I am slowly fading already. I have even told Haibara to forget about the cure, but she refused to listen. I know why she's doing this. She's still feeling guilty for creating the drug, so she is determined to find a cure and "give me my life back". I didn't know what to say after that. I honestly don't blame her. The drug would probably have been made even if she hadn't been there; it's not like the Syndicate lacks scientists after all. And her father had already laid down all the basics. She just took his work and continued it. Anyone else could've done the same thing. And since this drug was the first stage to reaching immortality, they would've gone to any ends to have it made. No, I really don't blame her for it. But she refuses to listen to me when I say that, so I just let her be. At least she doesn't bug me about not giving up the way Hattori remains inclined to.

Yeah, Hattori has stuck by me till now. He's a really good friend, and now I am actually old enough that we can solve cases together without anyone wondering why a little kid is tagging along. He always remembers to tell me not to give up, be it face to face or through a phone call. His continuous optimism never fails to amaze me.

I don't see him as much as I used to though; he's busy with Kazuha-san now. The baka finally got the nerve to ask her out two years ago, and one year later they turned up engaged. Seeing them can be bittersweet, not that I would ever tell him that. It just reminds me of what Ran and I could've had. Only I wouldn't have taken ages to gather my courage like he did. On the other hand, maybe I would have…

I can hear Haibara in her lab, typing away on her laptop, still at it. The sound drags me out of my remembrance and back to the real world. I haven't moved around like I was supposed to, and now my muscles have gone stiff. Haibara won't be happy with me at all, but there's nothing I can do about that now. Just another thing to add to an already crappy day.

I resign myself to lying down on the couch; my whole body feels sore now, and I am getting tired. I always get tired after those cures. I wish I didn't have to take the pills anymore, that there was no need to take them. But wishing does no one any good, does it?

My eyes start drooping, and I can feel myself sinking into oblivion. A happy smile forms on my lips. I can dream; my dreams are my own, in them I see what I want to see, and am what I want to be. In my dreams, I am still Kudo Shinichi, high school detective extraordinaire. In my dreams, I still have Ran with me; we are together, and we are happy. In my dreams, "Conan" doesn't exist. The Black Syndicate never shows up. Gin, Vodka, Vermouth, Jodie, all of these people do not exist in my dreams. I know that they are just that: dreams. But that doesn't mean I can't enjoy them…


End file.
